In cases where an adolescent is a victim of sexual or other harassment, it is usually preceded by communications and actions that gradually gain the trust of the minor and finally trap him in a condition where he finds it difficult to say “no” when asked to do something he does not want. This may be either because the “pressure” comes from a person in his or her circle of authority, or because he or she is afraid or ashamed. In order to protect your students from this weakness, help them practice the valuable assertiveness skill: when and how to say “no”. This can be done through role-playing scenarios where there is a pressuring condition from either a friend, an authority figure, or an entire group. A sense of shame is an important cue that children can use to sense that something is wrong early on. Thus, they should be trained to report to their caregivers when someone tells them something they feel shame about, even if the predator tells them not to be shy. Of course, by puberty that sense is lost and children feel they need to try something even if they feel shame. But something that doesn’t change even in adolescence is when someone tells them not to tell their parents/guardians and it’s their secret. That’s when children should realize that something went wrong and they need to react to it in a flash. So, educate the children early on that the phrase “don’t tell your parents” means to tell immediately to reduce the impact on the child themselves. But this practical advice becomes useless when the child receives consequences and punishments for such actions. Then the child becomes condescending to such admonitions in order to avoid punishment. One solution is that of immunity, where if the child has time to tell his parents, he will not receive any punishment for it. Role play- types of behaviour The facilitator divides the members into sub-groups of 4. Each group is given a scenario (see Booklet 1) Members are asked to prepare a 5 minute sketch where their scenario is acted out. Of the five members of each group, one takes the role of the person who does the action and the other three take the role of the people who react: one is asked to react with
passive way, the other with aggressive and the 3οwith assertive- decisive. For each role, some basic characteristics are given by the facilitator to assist the member in how to play the role, although members are encouraged to adopt elements that they themselves think express this type of behaviour. Members who are asked to play the assertive type are given the booklet “Assertiveness Skills” (Booklet 2). Members are given the opportunity to discuss together, as a group, how they will react to their role. It is suggested that names be changed. Allow 10 minutes to prepare the sketch. Each group presents its sketch to the plenary. After all groups have presented – and before members step out of their roles – those who did the act are invited to talk about how they felt in each behaviour while trying to stay in their role: How do those who played the role of the one who asked feel? How do those who played the role of the one being asked feel? This is followed by “de-rolling”: the members return to their original positions and one by one they say their real name to get out of the role they just played entirely. Open debate in plenary:
Which resistance tactics were most effective?
Is there a difference between pressure exerted by an individual and pressure exerted by a group?
Are there cases where it would be better not to ask for something decisively?
The reframing points out how in assertive behaviour what the person is actually doing is setting limits and refusing “politely”. Pamphlet 1. Scenarios
- A boy you don’t like very much is flirting with you and pushing you to go out with him but you don’t want to.
- A friend of yours borrowed money from you a long time ago and hasn’t paid it back since. Ask for the money back
- As part of a course you have been assigned a group project and you have divided the responsibilities equally. The deadline is approaching and you have finished the piece you were assigned and you see that the other 4 members of your team have not worked as hard as they should have. You need a good grade in the class. What do you do?
Leaflet 2.
Assertiveness skills
- Raising the issue: raising the issue clearly puts us in control of the situation. Choose the time and place, what exactly you want to say; be clear about what you want from the situation
- Revealing emotions: use “I…” and how you feel (e.g. “I’m angry”). Take responsibility for your feelings, don’t blame others
- Clarity: assertiveness requires clear and unambiguous speech, use short and clear sentences
- Supporting your point of view: avoid wavering
- Empathy: in order to communicate with respect and equality it is necessary to listen to what the other person is really saying
- Compromise: this allows the needs of both sides to be met. Assertiveness is not winning or losing. Compromise causes pleasant feelings on both sides
Tsitsas, G. (2009). The effect of a training program on assertiveness, assertive behavior, locus of control, empathy and self-esteem in Greek students.. (Doctoral dissertation, National and Kapodistrian University of Athens) and Loizou, D. (2018).
Counselling intervention programme for the primary prevention of addictions for students in the period of emerging adulthood. (PhD thesis, Aristotle University of Thessaloniki)
